If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
