fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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