I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
