So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
