Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
