Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize