how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize