you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
