Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
