oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
