we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
