a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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