Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
