thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love you. Go after that dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
