Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
