just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
