I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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