I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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