I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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