Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
