I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
