dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
