He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
