Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
