Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
