My first STD was from a foam party
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
