we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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