Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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