So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
