I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
