My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
