So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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