Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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