She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
