SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
