why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
