worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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