I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
