only if we run a train.
done.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
