You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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