you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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