he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
