life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
