why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
