see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it because I queefed?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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