We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
