Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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