I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
