3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
