I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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