Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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