If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
