we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
