my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
