did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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