Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
