She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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