Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
