I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
