I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
