I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
