I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
