Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
